This Mother’s Day will be the first in forty-five years that I won’t expect to hear from my son. When he was a little boy I got a handmade card, or a picture he drew, or a flower picked from the yard along with a big kiss. When he got older, he never forgot to call and wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day”. Sometimes he would record music for me or play me a song. He was usually broke, so he had to be creative, and I always tried to assure him the sound of his voice was enough. He passed five months ago, and though my mind has accepted it, my heart still struggles to believe he is no longer with us.
I am very blessed to have my firstborn child, my beautiful daughter, who lives nearby so I expect I will still hear “Happy Mother’s Day”. She has given me pictures, flowers, and some lovely cards that I have as keepsakes, each with her famous hand drawn balloons on the envelopes. She always does something special, whether it’s going out to eat or presenting me with a card or gift for Mother’s Day. It warms my heart when my kids take time to show me some love on Mother’s Day, no matter how they do it. I consider my daughter and my son special gifts from God, and having time with them is the best. Don’t get me wrong, I still like receiving the show of appreciation. As my sister always says, “I have mastered the gift of receiving!”
My Mother passed away nearly sixteen years ago at the age of ninety. She was my biggest fan and encourager, and my biggest critic. She always told me the truth whether I wanted to hear it or not. I remember Mother telling me that I wasn’t dressed correctly when I showed her what I was planning to wear to my class reunion. I told her I didn’t want to be too flashy. She reminded me I was a child of God, and I should always strive to look my best. She pulled a beautiful blue silk dress from her own collection and handed me the pearls and heels that completed the perfect look. As I slipped on the dress, once again, I knew Mother was right!
Mother had very colorful sayings, as most Mother’s do, and didn’t mind repeating them as needed. Here’s a few that come to mind:
“Dress for the Lord and act like His Child”.
“Remember someone is always watching you.” (That one kept me on my toes wondering who is watching me?)
“Were you raised in a barn?” (Translation: Act like a lady not a heathen.)
“Have you gained weight?”
And my favorite, “Is that what you are wearing?”
“You will miss me when I am gone.” That last one is very true; I miss her every day.
Mother had to bury two of her children; my sister who only lived for three months, and a boy who was stillborn. I often wish she was here to tell me how to handle the grief that comes with such loss. When I close my eyes, I can still hear her saying:
“Every morning, you get up, wash your face and make your bed and thank God for another day. And then you put one foot in front of the other. Remember who your God is and have faith that He will be you.”
I tried to model the same for my children. I know they hated how I criticized them as much as I hated it when my Mother “critiqued me”. Mother could look at you in a way that told you exactly how you’re doing without saying a word, expressing her excitement and love, or her disapproval. I loved the way her eyes would light up when I had her approval. I’ve always tried to look at my kids the same way, showing them the love that I have for them, but the disapproving look was also part of the package. While both of my children made mistakes, my only concern has always been their safety, wellbeing, and happiness. If I could, I would take back every critical word or look of disapproval.
On this Mother’s Day, my advice is to see your role as a mother more than just teaching your children right from wrong. Indeed, you are an authority figure, their first teacher, and an example in their lives. Remember the wisdom of Proverbs:
“Train a child in the way they should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 KJV)
In hindsight, my only regret is not hugging my children more often. Never be too busy to listen and reassure them everything is going to be okay, that you will always love them, and that God is watching over them. Remember your children are created for a special purpose and are gifts from God. Regardless of their actions or choices, they are still your children.
The “Triple Filter Test” attributed to Socrates’s suggests that before speaking, one should pass them through the following filters:
· Truth: Is what you are going to say true?
· Goodness: Is what you’re about to say good or kind?
· Usefulness: Is what you’re about to say necessary or helpful?
If your words do not meet the criteria, it’s better to say nothing at all. Bite your tongue Mom! Now I understand why Mom didn’t speak but stuck out her tongue when she was at her wits end with my siblings and me.
Show children the grace that our Father in heaven has shown you. Love them unconditionally and hug them tightly while you can, and trust the rest to God. The Holy Bible tells us how to love not only our children but everyone we meet on the journey of life.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1Corinthians 13:4-7 KJV)
