I want to share with you important points I bring up for discussion in pre-marital counseling. Couples that get pre-marital counseling have such a better opportunity of avoiding divorce. It also can help ‘smoke out’ the not so good motives of people. I was asked by a women years ago to marry her and her fiancé, but he did not want any counseling, he wanted a Las Vegas wedding. In six months they were divorced. The man was evil. I do not marry any couples if they do not go through marriage counseling. The late, great man of God, Pastor Barry Dickens put me and Sharon through marriage counseling and said this, “After we are done with the counseling, you can get married, but we will find out if I will marry you when we complete this six month session, I may not.” Pastor Barry was very straight forward, it had a great impact on me and Sharon! WOW! YES! It was awesome! I pray that all Pastors and couples will come to know the need for premarital counseling! We learned so much about ourselves and our extended families through six months, once a week counseling! It was so beneficial! Amen! Oh Yes! Barry did marry us!!!! It made me such a better man of God, husband, Dad, Grandpa and Pastor!
Some premarital counseling studies show that be going through counseling the likelihood of divorce decreases by 50%. I also have found that men destroy their marriages by getting addicted to phonography!!!! I ‘smoked’ that out of a man in premarital counseling, the couple are still happily married!
So many things in our society are being redefined by man, not good at all! Marriage is more significant than you may have thought. Marriage was designed by God and defined by God. Marriage is at the center of God’s purpose for mankind. Genesis 1:27: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them.
God joined a man and woman together so that together they would mirror His image. He called this union marriage. Their one reflects the character and unity of God (Matthew 19:4-6 and John 17:22-23). Their oneness is a living picture of this intimate relationship between Jesus Christ and His followers. Ephesians 5:22-33. Their oneness is expressed with a lifetime commitment to one another.
Couples who mirror God’s image experience oneness in the marriage. Companionship in marriage is God’s provision to replace isolation and meet our deep longing for a close, intimate relationship. God designed marriage as the first social institution. God designed marriage to be the first system of interdependent relationships. God designed the marriage relationship as the priority relationship of the family.
The following is from CHURCHLEADERS:
So We’re Unmarried but Living Together—What’s the Big Deal?
From Dr. Jim Denson: Denison Forum
Steven R. Tracy, PhD, is professor of theology and ethics at Phoenix Seminary, where he has taught since 1995. He has also served as a church pastor for fifteen years and is the author of seven books and numerous journal articles.
His article on premarital sexual abstinence and the Bible shows clearly that God intends us to abstain from all sexual relations outside of marriage. He counters the argument that the New Testament does not actually condemn non-married adults having consensual sex and the claim that the biblical authors wrote from a pre-modern perspective which need not be accepted wholesale by Christians today.
As he demonstrates, “The overwhelming consensus of historical Christian teaching, as well as modern evangelical biblical scholarship, is that sexual relations are only appropriate in marriage.”
Five consequences of disobeying God’s word
Dr. Tracy’s article is especially helpful with regard to the consequences of disobeying the biblical ethic regarding premarital sexual relationships. Consider five examples.
One: “In terms of marital satisfaction, one of the most widespread modern myths is that couples need to live together before they get married to see if they are sexually and relationally compatible and thus to enhance future marital health and satisfaction. In reality, research shows that couples that live together before marriage have higher infidelity rates, lower marital satisfaction rates, and higher divorce rates than those who don’t live together before marriage.”
For instance, a study of 1,425 couples found that those who cohabited before marriage “reported poorer marital quality and greater marital instability.” A study of over four thousand Swedish women reported that women who cohabit before marriage have an 80 percent higher marital failure rate than those who did not cohabit with their future spouse. Dr. Tracy adds: “This dynamic of cohabitation having a negative impact on subsequent marriage has been replicated in so many different studies that some social scientists have labeled it ‘the cohabitation effect.’”
Two: Cohabiting couples are much more likely to physically abuse each other than are non-cohabiting dating couples or married couples. A Department of Justice report notes that unmarried women are almost five times more likely to experience violence at the hands of their sexual partner than are married women.
Three: Cohabitors have been found to be almost twice as likely to be unfaithful to their partner as those who were married.
Four: Sexual abstinence before marriage is the only 100 percent effective method of birth control, guaranteeing that women will not have to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Since many researchers consider out-of-wedlock births to be the single most significant factor influencing long-term poverty in America, this is a very significant issue.
Five: Sexually transmitted diseases in the US are among the highest in the industrialized world. In addition to their health consequences, they create a great economic burden, with direct medical costs in the US of $15.5 billion.
