Her Name Is “Courage”
Written by Nicole R. Bryan
Pastor Dewey Note: We have included a picture of Nicole to show you how brightly her light shines for Jesus! We are so blessed to have her as part of the team for Jesus here at FGGAM!
Here is her latest post:
I write this in honor of the closest friend I have. Someone I have had the privilege to know, love, and watch grow in so many ways. May this post not only refresh her soul but also refresh others that can relate to her struggle. For confidentiality’s sake we will call this person by the name of what she personifies. We will call her Courage….
No one knows the hurt. No one ever truly can. The kind of hurt that cuts so deep that even taking your next breath is painful. The kind of hurt that comes unwarranted, unwanted, and unjustified. To look at Courage on the outside, she would seem to be the strongest and most together person on earth. You would think that Courage has skin of rugged scales that can’t be pierced and a heart of steel that can’t be broken. Superwoman. You would probably be right in assuming that. She is strong. Very. She is certainly like steel. She has had to be. Dart after dart and arrow after painful arrow eventually finds its way through an open spot left vulnerable from trying once again to trust, to be open, and it stings unbearably. Courage has had to stand face to face with an enemy that most would not understand. And every time she does, she bleeds…. Courage has faced fear, doubt, discouragement, insecurity, rejection, and loneliness but none compare to the hurt that comes from a knife in the back from those that make promises that they do not keep. Nothing cuts so deep as the arrow that flies through a heart that is being terribly used and slowly, time after time, piece after piece it cuts away at her dignity. Can Courage take it? Yes she can. She has learned to internalize and compartmentalize the pain so that she can function and give without bitterness and love with forgiveness. But Courage grows battle fatigued and weary. So much is expected of her and when her well has run completely dry from the selfishness of others more willing to receive than to give, and then more is expected of her still. No breaks, no time to catch her breath, no time to allow wounds to heal. Just an expectation of what she should be and how she should live and love. But Courage knows when she has had all the beating from life and people that she can bear and that is when she pulls away into a place of solitude, a place of rest that is not allowed but that she takes for her own sanity and it is necessary. You see, even scales and steel can only take so much until they bend and break. The world is not kind to people who walk in the shoes that Courage does day after day; never being allowed to become what God has designed her to be instead of what the world thinks she should be. They pick out her palate and tell her what colors to create her life and destiny with but Courage can no longer live under that kind of weight, so she crawls into her Daddy God’s lap and rests against His chest. He lovingly wraps her in His cocoon of safety and deafens her ears and blinds her eyes to anything but His voice and His image. She must struggle and squirm to be free of her cocoon but all the while she gets to listen to him sing His song of love He has written just for her. When she emerges, she will be new, whole, stronger, happier…. And most of all she will learn who she really has been all this time, who she was created by His own hands to be, and she will have a palate and a brand new canvas to color the world as she sees it through His eyes and the eyes of no one else. She will be free. She will fly. No, she will soar. New wings bring the strength to fly to new lands and that is what Courage will do. Courage will not be recognizable. She has been made new. See, deep down before all the hurt, all the pain, all the arrows she had a heart so tender and a trust so dear. Her touch was gentle and her life compassionate. Her destiny was clear and it was beautiful. Then she lost who she was but Courage has found herself again and this time she will never go back. I think Courage is a hero. At least she is my hero. So, if you know a Courage, please understand that you will not always understand and that needs to be okay. Know that it hurts to expect from them more than they can give. Please know that they are doing their very very best at all times. Please know that they are human just like you and I, and that they bleed, and feel, and cry, and hurt. Please don’t place more weight on them than they can bear because they already bear the weight of the world, and most of all allow Courage to be what God has designed her to be. And only that. They need that freedom because when they are free the rest of us will benefit from it. Please know that Courage loves you and wants the best for you but they also desperately need to be able to love their family and themselves more than you and they need to love their God more than you also. Courage needs you to pray for them and not judge them. Judgement without knowledge cuts deeper than you could ever know. Courage needs your support. And remember that Courage needs a break from the world sometimes just like the rest of us do. Please don’t ever run their vessel dry. Return something to it when you receive from it. And remember always that just because Courage is strong enough to handle the pain doesn’t mean she deserves it. Courage, you are strong beyond words, loving beyond what is ever noticed, compassionate more than anyone knows, and you love your God with a fierce love and your God loves you fiercely in return. Be free to be you. Paint the world with only Him holding the brush and please paint it from your heart because that is where He is and it will be a beautiful masterpiece. His Scribe,Nicole R. Bryan
