Quite a few years ago I taught preschool, but was unaware of the four personality types. It would have been a helpful tool way back then because looking back (now that I understand personalities) it is easy to pick out my past tots and their very distinctive traits. All, that is, except for the phlegmatic.
Honestly, I do not remember ANY phlegmatic students. That is sad, yet typical. The no-fuss phlegmatic is a chameleon and tends to blend in no matter the circumstances. My phlegmatic students, if I had any, must’ve done just that . . . blended in.
Compliant Without Complaint
A few years after teaching preschool, I attended a women’s’ Bible study that required participants to periodically assist the preschool department. By this time I was fully aware of the phlegmatic personality and easily picked them out. They were “compliant without complaint”. They readily put down their play things when it was time to change activities. Compliant without complaint. They were quiet, yet sweet. My long-term memory would have quickly faded, but my personality knowledge helped me remember these sweet little people.
Whether we realize it or not, phlegmatic children are everywhere. It is their introvert nature that keeps them from being noticed like the extroverted sanguine or choleric children in the room. Even the melancholy tot (also an introvert) tends to garner more notice because they stand out in their proper approach to things (nice artwork, their attention to detail, and their early sensitivities.) Part of what makes phlegmatics so likeable as adults is what keeps them from being noticed as children. By nature they roll with punches, blend into any circumstances, and don’t create conflict. But they are very present and need for adults to notice them.
Easily Overwhelmed
I have a phlegmatic niece who, when she was little, used her forearm to hide her eyes when she met new people. There was nothing wrong with her; it was how the introvert part of her personality dealt with new people. Sometimes it took a while the feelings of being a overwhelmed subsided, but her parents never forced to open up before she was ready.
Thinking back on my time assisting in the Bible study preschool class, one phlegmatic tot stands out. During music time the singing evolved into dancing with joy around the room. One little girl with blond, stringy hair joined in the festivities. I could tell she wasn’t as comfortable as her little sanguine friend, but, as part of the blending nature of the phlegmatic, she followed her frolicking friend. It didn’t take long before the little introvert started feeling overwhelmed. She quietly left the raucous festivities and sought refuge in the quiet stillness of my lap to recharge.
Strategies for Phlegmatic Preschoolers
- Do not expect them to warm up to strangers immediately. It takes this quiet personality time to accept new people and this trait usually follows them into adulthood.
- Do not push them too hard. Sometimes a phlegmatic personality (tot or teen or adult) can be frustrating because or their tendency to shy away from new things. The key to introducing this tot to something new is to do it gently and in a way that helps them feel secure. If possible, join in the new activity with them or, if circumstances don’t allow, be a visible presence on the sideline to encourage and offer support.
- Be ready to take things slowly. For example, when my boys were little and starting preschool, their personalities (sanguine and choleric) allowed them to welcome the new adventure of the classroom. I was able to drop them off and leave. A phlegmatic child may need a little more parental assistance such as mom or dad walking into the classroom to offer a little more security before leaving. Unlike the melancholy tot who may create a little more drama, a phlegmatic tot usually doesn’t cry even if they feel uneasy . . . they will quietly blend in.
Always let this quiet child know you value them. You don’t have to shower them with attention, but small gestures, like a hug “just because”, goes a long way in helping the no-fuss phlegmatic child feel loved and secure.
©2012 Shona Neff
originally posted at www.shonaneff.com